doidz
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "doidz" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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01:07 pm
[Link] | will somebody plllleeeeassssee come home and hang out with me???? i'm lacking friends on pei, i miss my friends...please come home soon!
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01:17 pm
[Link] |
i think i've gotten to the bottom of this...
so, it's funny, my facebook "hacker" has been telling people that i am taking economics. one person thinks i am taking economics and i know who that is. ps. chantal did you get your wallet back? and what was the last thing you said to isabelle? she wrote back "are you serious?" and i don't even know what "i" said!
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11:41 am
[Link] | jeff made a point to tell me that he didn't care if i smoked. i think he thought that was a good thing, but to me that means he just doesn't care that much.
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07:26 am
[Link] |
CONCLUSION
Drinking makes Mandy do stupid things and wake up in the morning and go "motherfucker, not again..."
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11:41 am
[Link] |
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in
why would i do that? why would i go to the tractor pulls, and why would i go to emerald? i feel like i'm now back at square one. not over him at all. and he's still so in love with me, now i know. every single feeling was still there when we looked at each other last night. nothing has changed. my head is pounding, i never got to sleep till 6:30 am because of it, it hurt so bad, soooo bad that i just wanted to put a gun to it just so it would stop pounding. i certainly can't be in my house anymore, my brother looks at me like i'm dirt and my father just won't say anything when i know he has stuff to say so i feel even worse cause i know i'm eating away at his insides too. wonderful.
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04:43 pm
[Link] | I feel like i got kicked in the face multiple times. the fact that he believes them, with their FUCKING BULLSHIT stories over me, this person that i thought knew me, that i somehow managed to trust soooo much that even after he never called for 3 and a half weeks i still felt certain that he cared and there were other reasons he couldn't talk to me. but no, he decided that i'm a whore. well, that's not true, he texted me later and said "for the record, you're not a whore" IIIIII KNOW I'M NOT A WHORE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME THAT. it's you who apparently needs some convincing. well you know what, fuck you and all your stupid little friends, i don't care what happens to you anymore. i feel like drinking myself out of this world tonight.
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01:32 pm
[Link] | i wish i could just paste that whole conversation onto here. then maybe you could understand why i'm so upset. paynter thinks, because 4 people told him, that i was having sex with some guy in the washroom at the dance. and he believes them. THAT'S why he hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks. and now all he could say is we'd better do our separate things and have a good life. NO FUCKING GOODBYE OR I'LL MISS YOU OR I DID LOVE YOU OR ANY SIGN THAT THAT"S HURTING HIM AT ALL, JUST HAVE A GOOD FUCKIN LIFE. all i wanna do right now is throw rocks at his house. GOOD FUCKING BYE ANYONE FROM CRAPAUD I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.
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12:21 am
[Link] | i'm not gonna lie to to ya. i've had 6 or 7 beer tonight. i got home and rick-i had a bunch of friends over, one of whom works with paynter. i think i was actually trying to make it obvious that i'm a mess because i know he'll tell paynter tomorrow and i kinda want him to know that i'm not taking this very well....understatement of the year of course. but anyways, they were talking about these keith's red hats they're giving away when you buy beer, i seen one the other day, some guy was showing me it and they're actually quite nice hats. but joel was telling them that paynter had one on at work the other day and now i wanna go to sleep but i just keep seeing paynter in my head, with a keith's red hat on. and i can't sleep. i need him. i want him. i love him. what the fuck do i do????
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05:39 pm
[Link] | 2 days down, probably about 30 to go before i move. what's the chances i manage to avoid all of them in 30 days?! probably not too good. i had already decided i was gonna allow her one free hit since i do kinda deserve it, until i realised how much she fucked my leg over when she kicked me at the dance. it's developed into a very large and painful bruise and bump. so she gpt her hit in already, if she gets my face i'm pressing charges cause someone's gonna have to teach that girl she can't get away with it all the time and i have got nothing to lose anymore!
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04:41 pm
[Link] | so, he really wanted us to talk about this in person, so i *after some angry hesitations* agreed to meet him last night. i told him i'd rather gauge my eyes out with forks than go to my sister's wedding, he said he'd rather gauge his eyes out with forks than walk away from me. he can't understand why i'm not being nice, he said "haven't you ever stayed friends with an ex before?" i replied "yes, but not THE DAY AFTER". idiot. idiot that i love soooo much, all i wanted to do was hug him and kiss him, he kept trying to and i had to push him off cause that's the right thing to do. but i wanted to sooooo bad. we talked about everything, if it's a relationship i want then i've got it, but things can't keep going the way they are. but i can't do the whole relationship thing right now, i don't even know where i'm gonna be. and i don't wanna drag him down with me. now today he says he never slept at all last night, got out of bed at 2 and drove around for the rest of the night cause he feels like he's living a lie. and he still really wants to see me but it's up to me. i told him i couldn't answer that just yet. what do i do????
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